Spin Cycle    [ Just Talk ]

I have been a whirlwind of emotions lately. I am in an epic battle to define my life, and while I'd like to think I am doing well my pessimism prevents it. 22, jobless, living at home. wow. Granted, the economy is shit right now, and I am living in the worst possible place for my job market, but still.

Down. I am starting to pity myself. You know something is wrong when you pity yourself. I have many things going for me, yet I feel like I am failing to achieve. Negative thoughts are bad, but that has always been my fate.

Up. While my existence right now may be pitiful, I am trying to embark on new journey's to discover places I have never been before. I am really trying to make myself an artist, at least by hobby, and I am also trying hard to write ... this journal, movie reviews, and a comic. I am also proud of the things I have achieved in the building of our new house. While my contributions have been reasonably small they are nonetheless helpful.

Down. Trying is not doing, and I am constantly questioning my aptitude for writing. I want to write a comic, to tell stories, to express, yet my creativity is not well trained for this kind of venture. I am a technical person and now I am paying the price for that.

Up. I'm only 22 :) I have a long life ahead of me, and this is only the beginning. Plus, I just watched Fellowship of the Ring: Extended Edition with all my good friends last night and it was really great ... both hanging out and the movie. Maybe life is as sweet as we want it to be.

tomorrow will come.

-- AG

Posted by agilliland at December 12, 2002 11:37 PM